Dating Advice for the Modern Man
I think that these days it is difficult to be a ‘man’. The past few decades have seen the erosion of many of our male stereotypes and women’s expectations of us has changed markedly. No longer are we the provider, the protector and the leader; now we have to be sensitive, emotional and able to cry when the X factor is on!
Seriously, finding the balance of what a woman wants in her modern man can be tricky; the only good advice I can give is to be careful. You see we don’t have any of the role models that our fathers and grandfathers had; they were preceded by ‘tough’ men and that is what women expected of a man in those days. The only role models we have to go on are those from films and television and they, gentlemen, are make-believe.
In general, retain the manly traits of masculinity, emotional strength and courage, but don’t be afraid to shed the odd tear when the moment is right. With valentines day in mind, here are some basic tips on dating:
1. Always look your best. Don’t be tempted to turn up in casual attire (unless you have planned a date walking in the hills). Put in some effort; wear ‘proper’ shoes (my ex-wife was the one who took me shopping for new shoes to help my dating exploits – she was right too), a smart shirt and trousers; women really appreciate it if you make the effort here.
2. Get your hygiene and styling sorted out. The combover is definitely out, as is any other method of denying your challenging lack of hair. The good news is that a lot of women like a clean-shaven head or extremely short hair and it cab make you look years younger! Sort yourself out with some quality deodorant, cologne, and/or aftershave but don’t go overboard! Take a trick from the ladies; spray your best aftershave into the air in front of you and then walk into it – it gives the right balance. If you don’t know what smells the ladies like, get yourself down to your local department store and ask the advice of one of the experts behind the counter.
3. Sort out your job. Women are rarely attracted to hippies, beach bums or drop-outs. They may even fall for your laid-back charms initially but they will always be checking whether or not you have the ability to be a provider, even if they don’t need one.
4. Get your knowledge levels up. Keep up to date with current affairs by reading a newspaper and watching the news. Not only will you appear more intelligent, it will give you some subject matter to talk about! Women do not appreciate stupidity or laziness. Current affairs are important in showing you know all about the world outside. If you travel a lot then this will help tremendously, if you don't have plans to travel, get some. Being able and willing to sort out holidays is essential in the grand scheme of things.
5. Alcohol – it’s the balance that counts (and of course on the particular drinking habits of the lady you are courting). Women are as suspicious of men who drink nothing at all as they are of someone who drinks too much. Certainly on a first date, don’t let your nerves get the better of you and lull you into the need to get drunk!
6. If you love your sport then fine. If sport is a religion you may have a problem but everything is about maintaining a balance. Trust me, plenty women have vast amounts of experience of becoming second-sub to their partners adoration of sport so they are always on the lookout for this particular trait. If you are serious about dating then ramming the subject of soccer, rugby or F1 down your date's throat will put them off in record time. Sport to the uninitiated is completely boring and shows not only sheep mentality to a woman but lack of thought, creativity or inspiration. Millions of girls love sport too and that is fine but don't make your passion into a one-sided one.
7. Never expect sex on a first date. If all you are after is sex you have come to the wrong place for reading material. If you are looking for the girl of your dreams there is nothing more sexy than a patient man. You are easily capable of waiting for the right woman so do it instead of thinking with your love tackle.
8. Honesty – Once again, women are the masters of sniffing out dishonesty. You might get away with it for a short while, but very soon you will be discovered if you are heavy on the porkeys. Just be honest! Don’t tell her what you think she wants to hear, just be honest and speak your mind, but don’t forget to be polite and respectful too.
9. Sort out your educational knowledge of manners, courtesy and chivalry. A woman likes being treated well, particularly with respect. Lose the coarse language, the swear words, the rudeness and the laziness. Know how to eat in a classy restaurant, know about fashion and jewellery and in particular flowers. Know how to hold a door open for a woman, let her go first and help her with her seat. Listen to what she says but have opinions of your own too. Show her respect and manners at every step and you should not go wrong.
10. Start listening and stop talking. We are equipped with two ears and one mouth; use them in that ratio. Women love a listener. Keep your date interested but don't turn into a one man entertainer. She will bore of you quickly because she wants to talk about herself too. Listen to things she tells you about her and remember them. Women love to chat so you need to learn to listen to her. Remembering things she told you will impress her by the bucketful. Fact.
11. Give up smoking now.
12. Lean to dance even if you have two left flat feet. Women love to dance and dancing is a physical contact sport (or can be). It is also romantic and sexy. You can be the world's worst dancer, I don't care. But if you stay seated when she is on that dance floor you may as well not exist. If you can join Salsa and dancing classes all the better. You don't need to be Travolta but you should have an idea of the basics of rhythm. Get started today.
13. Flowers – This might be a bit over the top for a first date, depends how much you want to impress her, but she could find it a ‘bit too much’. Certainly on any subsequent dates, flowers are a must!